Stuck? Start! ESCAPE Despair

Surviving Despair: The Mind-Body Connection and Healing Through Thoughts and Intense Action

What is despair?  By definition: the lack of hope or confidence.  It feels like all energy, resourcefulness and ability to change the situation leave your body.  The energy literally exits the building.  Life throws you a curveball and instead of hitting it out of the park it hits you square in the face.  Know what I mean? Feeling stuck, like you’re trying to escape through a thick fog but you can’t see the exit.  All hope and energy are gone.  It feels terrible.  You think you just may lie down, dig a hole and bury your head in there for a bit.  Sound familiar?  Despair is so tough because escaping it requires you to light a spark in the midst that thick wet fog.  You need a powerful light to show you the way. 

The Mind-Body Connection: Grounded in science.

Pioneered by the revolutionary and brave scientist, Dr Candice Pert since in the 1970’s and followed by many others including the fabulous Dr Caroline Leaf, what was once considered crazy is now mainstream.  Modern authors have had a much easier time promoting this concept thanks to those early pioneers.  An example of this is Bessel van der Kolk who wrote The Body Keeps The Score.  Our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and attitudes can positively or negatively affect our biological functioning. In other words, your mind can influence how healthy your body is and how happy you feel.

Whichever comes first, a thought, an effect on the body and an emotion: the three are always together.

Let’s recap. So back to despair: a most wretched emotion.  Brought on by an external event perhaps, leads to a host of physical ailments, from headaches to heart disease. Conversely, positive thoughts and emotions can boost your immune system, energise your body and reduce inflammation.

Turning Thoughts into Healing

Okay, so how do you turn those thoughts into a healing force? Here are a few strategies and the best one is last.

Strictly Choosing Your Thoughts

Stuck in a spiral of despair, you have a tool for shifting your mindset.  Your thoughts can be your saviour and you are in control.

Only choose helpful thoughts.  Reject the idea of positive and negative thoughts.  Don’t worry about whether a thought is correct or incorrect, just decide if that thought serves you in what you are trying to achieve.

Your thoughts can show you the way, but they can lead you the wrong way too.  Exercising the “choose-thought muscle” is an important lifeskill.

Positive Affirmations

It might feel silly at first, but telling yourself that you are strong, capable, and worthy can actually rewire your brain. Think of it as giving your mind a pep talk. As Maya Angelou wisely said, “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”

Mindfulness and Meditation

These practices help you stay present and reduce the mental chatter that often accompanies despair. It’s like giving your mind a mini-vacation. And who doesn’t love a good vacation?

Gratitude Journaling

Writing down things you’re thankful for can shift your focus from what’s wrong in your life to what’s right. It’s like hunting for little nuggets of gold in your everyday routine.

Visualization

Imagine yourself in a place where you feel happy and relaxed. Your brain can’t always tell the difference between real and imagined experiences, so visualizing a peaceful scenario can help calm your nerves.

Embracing Joy and Laughter

The Best Medicine (Literally)

Ever heard the phrase, “Laughter is the best medicine”? It’s not just a saying; it’s a fact. Laughing triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. It also decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies. So, watch a funny movie, hang out with that friend who always cracks you up, or even try laughing yoga. Yes, that’s a thing!

Embracing the Journey

Healing from despair isn’t a one-size-fits-all process. It’s a journey, and like any journey, it has its ups and downs. Some days you’ll feel like you’re on top of the world, and other days you might feel like you’re stuck in a pit of quicksand. That’s okay. Be kind to yourself. Remember, you’re a work in progress, not a finished product.

Benchmarking Others that Have struggled

It’s a lonely world, know that there are others that overcame great adversity.  Michael Jordan’s famous quote encapsulates this mindset: “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

Progress and Aggressive Action.  Get moving, get angry.

Progress is a magic bullet.  Anger is much more comfortable emotion than despair and holds more energy than simply determined.  Progress is being handed a torch and catching a glimpse of the exit sign. Anger is elbowing the fog out the way and grabbing that torch. 

No matter how small, progress fuels our sense of purpose, restores hope and energises our bodies. It’s like a magic elixir that keeps us moving forward.  A sense of accomplishment and direction are crucial to keep going when all faith falls away.  Progress is a reminder that we are capable of change and growth, which is incredibly empowering.

Setting the Stage for Progress

So, how do we cultivate progress in our daily lives? Here are a few strategies:

Stuck? Start! Take aggressive action.  Pump in whatever energy and resources you can.  Fire up the engine. Get angry. 

Do a quick Goal setting exercise

Do some planning but don’t get stuck in the planning too much.  Set some quick and realistic goals but don’t let it use up too much of your limited mental resources while you despair so severely.  Know where you want to go and have a few check points you know you need to get to

Celebrate Small Wins

You need to maintain your energy.  You need to feel the progress.  You need to remember that you have come further that you were.  Don’t wait for the big accomplishments to pat yourself on the back. Celebrate the small victories along the way. Recognizing these moments of progress can boost your mood and keep you motivated.  Keep building the energy, keep thinking great thoughts, stay angry (ok maybe once you have a little momentum you can dial angry back to determined).

Keep a Progress Journal

It is easy to forget how far you’ve come. Track your progress, it’s part of celebrating the wins. It’s like having a personal cheerleader running the highlight reel.  On tough days, looking back at your progress can provide a much-needed morale boost.

Allow detours

Despite our best efforts, things don’t always go as planned. Progress is motion and it isn’t always a straight line. Follow the journey without pumping unnecessary emotion into deviations from the exact route planned.  Roll with the punches and  maintain your focus and energy.

Count all Progress Big and Small

The small things matter and all matters pile up.  If something small gets sorted out, take a minute to feel satisfaction. 

Snowballing Progress

The truth is, without resources, we can try our best.  With resources, it all becomes that much easier to ramp up our progress.  A healthy mind, body and bank account immersed in a healthy community can achieve a lot more than the lonely, cold, sad soul with head buried in the sand during a deep dark fog.  Ok, that example got a little dramatic but it illustrates the point. It gets easier.

Progress has a ripple effect, positively impacting other areas of our lives.  Progress is a powerful antidote to feelings of stagnation and despair.  Progress, no matter how small, is worth celebrating.

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” So, start, take that step. Celebrate your progress. And know that with each small victory, you’re nurturing your mental health, building your energy and paving the way for a brighter, more fulfilling future.

A caveat: When progress isn’t possible

I once took a sewing class with an older lady. On one occasion she messed up her sewing, accidentally cutting the fabric of a dress she had been working on. She laughed. I commented that I would not have laughed, I would most likely have cried or at least been fairly furious.

She proceeded to share a story about when her son had lost his arm in a car accident and how even then she had not gotten particularly emotional. The wisdom she followed was this: when you can’t change something, you must accept it and you must accept it quickly.

Not all of us are capable of moving to acceptance so easily. Some may even feel morally obliged to mourn and feel grief to show respect to an awful event. It’s probably wise to feel what you need to feel and go through the process that brings you to healing and acceptance in a healthy way.

This is a fabulous tool when you want to use it:

When you can’t change something, accept it and accept it quickly.

Final Thoughts for escaping despair

The mind-body connection is a powerful tool in the battle against despair. Harness the power of your thoughts and energise your body, take massive action and aggressively insist on progress.  You can influence your physical health, emotional well-being, financial health and general experience of life.

It might not happen overnight, and chances are it won’t be easy, but in the end, the satisfaction of what you overcame will be absolutely delicious.

Maya Angelou: “You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.” Take a deep breath, muster a smile, and give yourself the mental TLC you deserve. Your body—and your emotions—will thank you.

Inspiring book recommendations for overcoming despair through thought work